Adios

I just returned from 10 days in Oaxaca where I visited with one of my meditation teacher friends, Linda.

When I met Linda at our Community Dharma Leader training at Spirit Rock in 2005, she was just retiring and moving to Oaxaca. Now she is 84 and has lived in Oaxaca for 18 years.

So when we had our last meal together, I said, “Farewell, dear Linda. I may never see you again in this lifetime.”

I may or may not ever go to Oaxaca again. She used to be based in California, where many of her friends and family are, so New England is seldom in her travel plans. I cannot truthfully say “See you later. Nos vemos.”

I used to depend on seeing Linda at our CDL3 retreats every 18 months, but due to the Heavenly Messengers of aging and illness, our classmates recently decided to “sunset” those get-togethers. As a group, we are either too old or too infirm to travel, so it’s time for those in-person retreats to come to an end. I wasn’t surprised that our in-person retreats expired. For our last retreat, 16 people signed up, but then 9 of them cancelled due to aging or illness or disability.

I may see Linda on a group Zoom call in the future. A dozen of our 85 classmates do get together every month to talk about EcoDharma, but that little Zoom square is not the same as a 2-hour lunch or a 1-hour walk or an unexpected adventure.

The previous time I saw Linda, we stayed in an Airbnb in Boulder to acclimatize for a weekend before going up to the Rocky Mountain Ecodharma Center at 8500’ for what was to be our final CDL3 retreat—a hybrid retreat.

In person, Linda and 3 other classmates and i had the adventure of breaking into our Airbnb because the batteries on the keypad lock on the front door had died, and the host didn’t answer the phone. When you’re in person with a friend, memorable adventures sometimes happen.

Good-bye. Adios to all that.

Another friend recently said that she hates to say good-bye. She just wants to leave, sneak out, get away before good-byes are said. I, on the other hand, like to recognize these sorts of passages.

That’s the reason I held Linda’s hand, looked her in the eyes, and thanked her for her friendship. Just in case I don’t see you again in this lifetime, fare thee well, my friend.

Not Taking What Is Not Offered

The second of the 5 precepts is awkwardly phrased as “not taking what is not offered.” If we erase the double negatives, it becomes “taking [only] what is offered.”

At first, the precept sounds like the one of the Ten Commandments: “You shall not steal.” But as we work with the precept, it becomes more nuanced.

We begin with the material world–not stealing, not taking what isn’t offered. This includes pens and paper clips from our employer. If we share a refrigerator, not taking someone else’s food. I had a meditation teacher who would not pick up a dime in a parking lot because no one had offered it to him.

Next, we can consider the immaterial world. How about not taking more than our share of time in a meeting? How about allowing space for others? How about not exceeding the speed limit? The speed limit limits us to 65 mph or 30 or 40. Exceeding the speed limit is taking something we have not been offered.

Finally, the second precept matures into generosity. “With open-handed generosity, i recondition my heart-mind.” With open-handed generosity, i let go of grasping. And really, this path we are on is all about letting go.

image from slideshare.net

Birthday Surprise

The first thing we do on a beach vacation is go to the store and buy 2 beach chairs, a noodle (for me), a beach umbrella, and a little cooler. At the end of vacation, we usually leave the beach chairs etcetera at our Airbnb.

Since i can see that our host already has a stash of paraphernalia at his condo, and since there’s a Lamborghini, an Audi, a Range Rover, and a Ford F-150 parked in the driveway, i’m pretty sure the people here don’t need more stuff.

We spent our last beach day at the beautiful Boqueron Balneario (town beach). As we packed up, i gave my noodle to the only family within sight. The children were busy burying Mom in the sand.

Near us sat a 30-something couple. We gave them our 2 beach chairs. She had beautiful braids way down past her waist; he had a shaved head. They were from Connecticut, and it was her birthday!

Who knew that when we bought those beach chairs, we were buying a birthday present!

Things Fallen Apart

I am on vacation in Puerto Rico where impermanence is everywhere i look. I feel distressed. Buildings blown to bits by hurricanes–Maria in 2017 and the less powerful, but slow-moving Fiona in 2022. Wrecked theme parks, billboards, and boats. The famous art museum of Ponce closed since the 6.4 earthquake in 2020 centered nearby.

As a cultural WASP, i just want to tidy things up. Yet the spiritual lesson is in letting things be. Look at the destruction. Be comfortable. Or rather, be comfortable with the discomfort of infrastructure working on a thin thread of acceptable.

Within sight of my Airbnb lies two miles (miles!) of dysfunctional oil refineries. Rusted pipes galore. Rusted oil tanks just waiting for the next hurricane to shatter them and blow their sidings out to sea.

I can also see 2 wrecked ships, rusting into the shallow sea in a nearby bay.

Yet, people still go to work. Fishermen fish. Families go to the beach on Sundays.

Things fall apart. And stay fallen apart.

And so will i.

Overtaken By Events

I recently met a new-to-me acronym: OBE.

It also means Order of the British Empire, but during the past year, OBE, in common parlance, means Overtaken By Events. All your well-laid plans have to be scrapped because something has suddenly and unexpectedly happened.

OBE is a military term, which means that all your carefully laid plans and strategies are out the window, due to events beyond your control. Think : Ukraine.

OBE brings to mind another military term, which is much more graphic: SNAFU–Situation Normal: All F**ked Up.

We could say that SNAFU is a condensed–very condensed–version of the Buddha’s teachings. SN–situation normal–is the 1st characteristic of all experience: anicca = impermanence, and change is normal, whether we like it or not. AFU is the 2nd characteristic: dukkha–suffering or unsatisfactoriness. Then there’s the unasked question: Who’s in control here anyway? Because, obviously, the situation is out of control, and the controllers seems to be MIA–missing in action. That’s the 3rd characteristic: anatta or not-self. Yoo-hoo. There is no controller.

What do you do when confronted by OBE or SNAFU? What’s your innate response to sudden change? Fight? Flight? Or freeze? Do you resist? (Fight.) Do you flee? (Looking for safety or something pleasant.) Or do you freeze in your tracks, not knowing which way to jump? (Confusion.)

What’s the wise response? I call it surrendering to things as they are. You might recall the Serenity Prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change.

Peace or serenity is available in every moment, even those moments when we are OBE, when everything is a SNAFU.

What is this Self that we are so sure we have?

The Buddha’s most difficult teaching is that of not-self. When some people hear about not-self, no-self, non-self, they put on the brakes and stop meditating altogether. Not-self sounds scary. Who am i, if i’m not a self?

So let’s start here. What is this “self” anyway?

The Buddha has given a list called the 5 Aggregates. Combine (or aggregate) these 5 things, and voila! You have a self.

Namarupa–name & form. Yes, this body seems to be my body.

Vedana–Feelings or hedonic tone. Yes, my feelings are my feelings.

Perception–Yes, my 5-sense door perceptions are my perceptions.

Consciousness–Yes, my consciousness seems to be my consciousness.

Sankharas–of which there are 52. Yikes! These are variously translated as concoctions, fabrications, mental formations (Yes, my thoughts and dreams are mine.)

But let’s leave this mind-boggling list behind. What, in your lived experience, is the self?

First, where is the self located? Say “I, I, I, I, I” until you feel it in your body. Say “me, me, me, me, me” until you feel it in your body.

Some people say the I is behind the face or more specifically behind the eyes. Isn’t there a homunculus sitting behind the eyes pulling the gears and levers? Sort of like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain? Some people point to their chest; some to their belly.

Ask “Who am i?” for 10 minutes at the end of meditation. Jot down your list. No need for the mind to go chasing after answers. Simply drop the question into the quiet-ish pool of your mind. Let the question sink. Maybe no answer arises. That’s okay. Keep asking.

Ask “What am i?” and jot down that list.

Whatever you have on your list, use that as a contemplation the next time you meditate. Ask yourself: Do i have a soul? Is something in me continuous? Am i a very particular collection of patterns and habits? Is that true? Truly true?

Keep looking for that self that feels so sure of itself.

Merry Christmas

My friend, Nancy, renewed her Christian faith in her 50s. I asked her how she did it. “I re-interpret everything I hear,” she said.

Ai-yi-yi, i thought. That sounds like way too much work.

But let’s try it. Let’s translate the well-worn, worn-out greeting, “Merry Christmas” into Buddhist-speak.

Take the word “merry”–an old word, not much in use in nowadays. Merry Christmas, merry-go-round, Merry Wives of Windsor, merrymaking. Or “Row, row, your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily….”

Merry means joy or joyous, and joy is a more familiar word to us meditators. Joy is one of the Divine Abodes (Brahmaviharas). Joy is one of 7 factors of awakening. Joy is the first of the meditative absorptions (jhanas).

Christmas was originally Christ Mass–the mass celebrating the birth of the Christ-child (though he wasn’t a Christ yet.) The Christ is a personification of love and compassion. Some of my friends who both meditate and go to church say they like the loving-compassion of Jesus, while the Buddha left a boatload of very clear instructions for living our everyday lives.

A mass is a time of communion–communing with our spiritual community. Here we recognize the refuge of sangha–our spiritual friends who keep us on the high road even when we’d rather give in to our low-road impulses.

So, how does this sound?

Joyous love and compassion dear friends.

Or in the vernacular, Merry Christmas.

Welcome to Flight 2022

Shabbat Shalom

Welcome to Flight 2022.

We are prepared to take off into the new year.

Please make sure your attitude is secured

and locked in an upright position.

All self-destructive thoughts should be turned off at this time.

All negativity, hurt, and discouragement should be put away.

Should we lose altitude under pressure during the flight,

Reach up and pull down a prayer.

Once your faith is activated,

You can assist other passengers.

There will be NO BAGGAGE allowed on this flight.

We are cleared for take-off.

Happy New Year.

borrowed from Anonymous

Rumi on Aging

 

Why does a date-palm lose its leaves in autumn?         

 Why does every beautiful face grow in old age           

wrinkled like the back of a Libyan lizard?         

 Why does a full head of hair get bald?           

Why is the tall, straight figure that divided the ranks like a spear 

now bent almost double?           

Why is it that the lion’s strength weakens to nothing?           

The wrestler who could hold anyone down           

is led out with two people supporting him,           

their shoulders under his arms?      

     

God answers,           

“They put on borrowed robes           

And pretended they were theirs.           

I take the beautiful clothes back,           

So that you will learn the robe of appearance is only a loan.”           

Your lamp was lit from another lamp.           

All God wants is your gratitude for that.

Sitting in the River of Life

Reflected clouds in a shallow lake, stones, reflections, clouds, lake,  shallow, HD wallpaper | Peakpx

One of our nearby rivers is shallow and sandy. The other evening i walked out about a hundred feet and sat down on the sandy bottom. The water came up to my armpits. I felt like i was sitting in the river of Life.

One of my personal mantras is “Surrendering to the flow of Life.” As the river flowed around me with a definite current, i felt i could be carried wherever. I practiced surrendering to the river of Life.